My Own Interpretation

Happy…late Thanksgiving! Yea. <>; Was too lazy to write yesterday. I’ve been feeling a little better…enough. So yea…good for now. A little nervous because of new classes. I have no clue what to do about them, but I’m just gonna look into those busses again on Monday or something.
Buuut anyway! Yea, thanksgiving. We went to my aunt’s as always only it was more relaxing this year since everyone didn’t show up at once and my aunt didn’t let anyone turn the TV on until after dinner and by then no one really wanted to so my cousin and I watched House the rest of the night. But it was nice…not having everyone show up at one. ;;;; Big Italian family…gets loud. I got to hang out with my cousins and caught up with my uncle and all that. Yea, I’m crazy enough to like being dragged out to see the family.;;;;

Still looking for a job. Got more rejections, but as soon as things are less crazy from Thanksgiving, I’m gonna go check out what’s going on with the places that didn’t give me a no. I came  close to asking my friend for a job since he has his own landscaping business and I had said I would if I got desperate enough….but….no. Changed my mind on that. We’re not as close as we used to be and I think I’d end up getting pissed and quit. >>;;; He’s a tough boss, doesn’t really give a shit about me any more, and I’d have to work by him all the time. We’re not really buddy buddy any more so he’d probably either fire me for letting the cold get to me or I’d quit because I lose my patients. I might try another landscape place if I get desperate though. I think some labor in the winter would keep me from getting gloomy with the weather…and I miss landscaping at school. *snort*

So we took a little mini vacation to Mogan Sun. cc; Helped relieve the nerves a small bit and we got a little money. It was fun seeing my uncle again and just hanging out there since I always like it…lol embarassed to say what we were there for, but it was fun and helped get rid of some negative energy. Of course, we’re home now and the nerves are already back up, but nowhere as bad as if we had never gone out.

Either way, everything’s still shit and I feel fuckin’ sick from nerves and shit and I’m being really snappy and getting annoyed easily….but again, still not as bad as if we didn’t get some time away from home. I used to small amount of time mom and I weren’t bitching to talk about college and she finally listened enough to agree about a college in Boston once I’m done with BCC. >_>; So much preperation to talk to her shouldn’t have been needed, but whatever. The fact that I don’t have to hide my papers or portfolio is nice. I can’t wait to get out of BCC….unless Mass Art doesn’t take me which wouldn’t leave me too shocked….but I gotta stay somewhat positive. Dx; If I let all the shit going on keep me from trying, then there’s no point.

Blaaah too lazy to write.

Lol I finally get to fulfill my dream of Rem doing mechanic shit. I’m gonna keep his look, of course, but I wanna give him a steampunk mechanic outfit too. <> <3333

Uh….yea. Things are bad…they can be worse though, yea? Yea. So whatever. I’m healthy and no one is dying or dead at the moment. Eugh…I feel like shit though. Things are bad as usual, only a little more than how it’s usually bad. Last night was really rough and tonight’s been better. I got to see my friend perform in a show and saw some funny stuff. I think today would have gone perfect if someone hadn’t made me feel so shot down earlier today. ~~;;; It was a little comment, but it really hurt and I keep thinking about it. Okay…so it wasn’t JUST a comment, but that comment really hit me with the rest of what they were saying. I feel like such a pile of shit lately. I feel like I bring “doom” to my house and I feel like shit lately when doing stuff. And then when I feel important, I feel more like a fucking rebound. For fuck’s sake, why am I only good for rebounding on. I bet if a day comes that someone normal wants a relationship with me, they’re just fucking rebounding…well that’s dumb too. >_>; There’s better people to rebound on….eugh. ~~;;;; I just…yea.

I’m still looking for work. It’d be nice to get some money. I’ll waste it on bags for our vacuum lol. Or maybe a new toilet…or just groceries. My body’s finally not liking that I only feed it six mini pizza pockets a day or something along that line.

Bleh…I need a hug. ~~;;;;; Though I think I’m doing better thanks to one or two friends that lifted the spirits.

Again, I was gonna say something, but I lost track.

Edit: So three jobs have said no now. Lol, what a shock.

Um….yea. So…today’s my birthday! I’m 19…yea. Sure as hell didn’t feel like a birthday. Pretty much all my irl friends forgot. A few people said happy birthday in the same breath that they talked me into doing shit for them so they didn’t have to do it themselves and then everyone’s been having a bad day. Then tonight, the people I babysit for took back their offer to give me the night off because they ended up needing me (which is fine lol << They have five kids to watch) and the baby cried most of the night. Kind of sucked. Though some Eos friends and Grim did wish me a happy birthday which was a cheer up. TT <3 Love my buddies. I got a hand full of cards, but no gifts or cake or anything really and it was really rainy and cruddy. I had my classes too so it really just felt like another cruddy day at BCC. I feel like a brat for complaining, but…eh. Just kind of wish it felt more like my birthday. I’ve been really down all day and yesterday was pretty stressful. I’ve been thankful for the birthday wishes and stuff. I wouldn’t complain to anyone…can vent here though. <>; I don’t have a right to bitch when I know plenty of people don’t do much or get anything for their birthdays. Just makes ya feel down, you know?

I filled out applications for jobs and I’m going with some friends into Boston to check out a college. I’m really nervous about even thinking about it, but it’ll be good.
Damn, I know there was something I wanted to talk about, but now I’m just drawing a blank. c__c; Yea.

Daaaamn I shouldn’t have taken a nap. Dx Lol, I feel all jumpy. Though my anxiety’s been crazy lately anyway. But things have been okay. I got my grade up in Psych so now I’m focusing on trying to save my ass in Math. Ugh, I hate that class. I have pretty good grades besides that. I wish my mom would stop having such letting go problems. I feel like I’ve never done a lot with myself because she’s protected me so much throughout my life. Even with getting jobs. And I think if I don’t try to stay aware of it and don’t make some changes, I’ll just luve my life being afriad of going too far into open water. I’m already like that, but I’m getting better.

Ugh I hate Aunt Flow. Dx; I’ve got the anxious, nausious aunt this time. And I was so weepy the first day. Not to mention it made an issue that’s been on my mind feel 100x worse. I had actually pushed the problem aside and then the worst person to bring it up DID bring it up and got my all girly and frustrated. But eh, what can ya do? D; Just gotta try and keep your head high. Gotta love people more than yourself sometimes so they always come first.

Aaaand still looking for a job! ;;;; Something will come soon, hoepfully. If not, I might just get desperate and like…find money to pay someone to drive me to an out of the way job. I can’t look to far without a car, but if I can get a ride, maybe I’ll be okay. My friend Vicky keeps telling me to get a job at Petsmart with her and she said she’ll drive me on days she’s not working, but I am. I just might take her up on it if she promsises to hold through. I really want to be able to buy my friends nice Christmas presents and I want to help out with bills at home. Not to mention I need shit. <>; So yea. Not to mention…I just need a job.

S’all! Dx;;; Birthday’s coming up! Lol, Thursday. Damn, when did that happen?! Something tells me it’ll be uneventful and everyone forgot again, but I might celebrate by myself and go to a shooting range….archery. Not a fan of guns…especially after the close to home deaths from them lol. >>;;; I like archery. My high school friend still wants to take my to her shooting range some day. Dx; Some daaaay! For now, just this. I’m still hoping something nice happens. I feel all fluttery in so many ways. D8;;;;;