You are the spark of dawn, you are where I belong, you are the ache I feel in every song…

HEEEEEY! 8D Long time no see lulz? Yea. I kept forgetting to update and for a while, irl friends kept reading and going through my art and posts and crap and it just felt awkward, but eh. I miss writing. WNdbefkjhkkjz So much going ooooon. <333 I feel really good. Not like…OH BOY I R SO HAPPY N NUN OF U CAN RUIN IT. It’s just a flat out happy. Like, I feel like this is how I’ve wanted my life to be for a while. I feel like I belong with people, I’m not constantly trying to compete with people on the webz for who has the best RO idea and…blah, I don’t know. I’m active. And when things suck, they really DO suck and it’s not just me sulking over some crap online or something lame. I sound cheesy and bitchy, but I’m happy. I look back at old history of posts and other things on here and different sites and laugh so hard realizing how stupid some things were. True, some stuff still sticks in my mind, buuut I feel like it’s still pretty relevant. But yea. I just feel good. I’ve become more positive and avoid thinking of what’s pissing me off since too much is good. It’s kind of funny considering the number of people I hang around that have a lot to be happy about and still sulk. I think it’s my instinct to just become a big rainbow acid trip. But it’s cool. We got each others baaaacks, yo. And while being around downers made me more positive, I think the fact that most of them are just jackasses with little morals, it’s made me more uh…I guess back in the swing with church. Like I said, we all balance each other out LOL.

I’ve been on winter break and have been getting out a lot and…I PASSED MY CLASSES. <3____<3 Well…not math. I failed it and am trying to think of a way to tell mom. I think that had to be one of my biggest stresses this sem. I ended up skipping constantly since I’d start puking before the class or have massive attacks because it was too much. I’m kind of embarrassed, but…whatev. If I have to take math again, I’ll take a different kind. My other classes I half assed but did good so this sem, I’m gonna work extra hard! D< I wanna get all A’s and maybe B as the worst. I need to make friends with Illustrator and all of that too lol….

Anyway…Gonna try not to make this a giant post. Just showing I’m alive. I’ve been watching a lot of movies and less TV and going out a hella lot. Mostly with the BCC crew and such. 8[ <3 I love my men…and a few women…mostly all men though so I have a wall of safety when walking through Providence at 1am lolololololo. It was funny the other night when we were out. My beau looks like he could stomp your teeth in, my other friend is a fuckin Irish mofo and the other…well he’s a guy too. I don’t think he’s too scary, but I imagine he could be lol. But yea…I don’t know…I swear I wanted to talk about actual crap, but I’m just hypeeeeerrrrr and full’a love. <3 Don’t get me wrong. I’m still a big ball of crazy that senses impending doom over everything and cries almost every day….but do you really think I’ll ever change? I’m trying to chill out though. I’m not dead, my friends haven’t dropped me, my beau hasn’t dumped me and I haven’t gotten fired sooooo….yea. Gotta not worry! I still constantly fear getting fired for no reason what so ever, but then I keep getting praised and more hours so I must be doing something right. And I finally don’t expect to get dumped every time I go see the beau which I guess is good? I was so worried that sick feeling would stay lol. 8[ Now I’m more just content…AND AGAIN, I DIDN’T FAIL MY ART CLASSES! D< <3

Oh! And still workiiinnnng. Nomnomnom I’m so happy I have this job. I have my issues with a few people and some of the customers we get piss me off royally, but for the most part, I couldn’t have asked for a better first job. I made some pretty good friends in it and I see a lot of interesting people…and get to dance around for hours on end to poppy rubbish music…which we all know is what I like lul. Today was really nice. Only worked six hours and some of the people that came in…I don’t know…they just really made me smile. One of the first packs we got was a mom and dad with their two daughters that were probably like…between 10 and 13 at the most? One was more tomboyish than the other and the mom was trying to meet her half way with clothes and it was just sweet lol. The parents were so content and you could tell they really loved each other and they juuust…seemed like a happy family? Cheesy, I know. I just love seeing when couples don’t run out of love and half a tight family to shop together with and such. A cute little girl came in later that looked like Rihanna. 8[ I wanted to keep her. Her mom was trying to talk her into wearing girl clothes since she was a full out tomboy with boyish clothes and short hair, but she wanted nothing of it. She was ten and adorable. We were joking with her mom though since I grew up wearing boys clothes and she said she did the same and her daughter just rolled her eyes and wanted to get the hell out.

Okay enough rambling–OH RIGHT! I went to Ohio agaaaaaiiiiiiin! <3 My aunt’s 70th birthday. Ugh, I don’t want my aunt and uncle to keep aging. My aunt it so close to me, I can barely handle not having her in Attleboro. We had a lot of fun and I got to see relatives I haven’t seen since I was a wee lass. I managed to cry twice too. Both times over my cousin, Joe. We always called him Little Joe since there are so many Joe’s in my family and I grew up with him, but we hadn’t seen each other in years. Soooo of course when he walked in and I recognized him, I instantly started to bawl. He’s all grown up and handsome. QQ Not a little boy any more. He just laughed though. He’s matured a lot, but he’s still the obnoxious little kid I remember. He made me cry a second time by showing me the engagement ring he was giving to his girlfriend the next night…and yes, she said yes! Dx< So…HE’S GETTING MARRIED. *sob* He’s just a little older than me, but he still seems so young. It makes me feel so old too. One minute, we’re playing with slugs and the next we’re in college and getting married. The rest of the visit was pretty casual once we got past the tears. I hung out with my uncle and he put me back on Wow LOL. *headdesk* I can’t believe I’m playing it again. I feel so gross…but hey, I get to talk to my fam over it. I mostly dicked around with them and caught up with everyone’s lives….and then all the men in the family went Italian mofo on me when they found out I was dating…but the awkwardness passed fast. Everyone seems happy and content and my little cousins are growing up so fast. c___c <3 And we’re gonna go back to Ohio when the wedding happens…hopefully. QQ

OKAY I’LL SHUT UP.

LOL Sorry. 8[;; I’ve been drawing and painting a lot off the comp….and I’ve improved surprisingly….but nothing good here. Just a quick Spring Awakening doodle. Oooh Melchioooooorrrr, if only you didn’t rape Wendla and accepted your feeliiiingssss. Maybe something beautiful would have happened as you plaaanned–Yes. I’m still in love with Spring Awakening. Very much so. I want it to come back to Boston so I can relove it. I guess in a way this took skill…I was lying on my back with my knees in the air and had the tablet balancing on it as I drew and looked at the screen next to me. 8D;;;;…….